how does it feel when at the end of each day you find yourself rather empty and restless?
what do you think at the end of each day, when the whole day has gone by with all the happiness you can muster, yet at the end you just don’t feel like being anywhere, just think endlessly for a dream that could turn to reality?
do you ever think like that? do you know what it feels like to just be in this state of mind?
its been some time when i used to be just like that for endless days and nights, just trying to figure out what was that one element that left me barren within. now i feel it again sometimes. unfortunately, i dont find anything that soothes me, or gives some sort of absolutely joy and happiness, that lends a moment of peace and relief to my heart.
my heart and mind, say the same thing… yet i am unable to decipher what they say. i find that at each day my cycle is moreorless the same: get up, shower, breakfast, go to work, come back home, stay indoors, and sleep off the night.
many a times i’ve wondered why i do just that. i kinda have no social life, except for certain odd occasions when is just go out, spend a couple of hours with a friend, and then back home, and that has been some time too.
i feel empty, unstable and yet free to do just about anything i wish.
over the next weekend i’ll be out of town for a few days, and then the following weekend another destination. i am hoping that i’ll be able to feel differently, rather redefine myself and my existence. but if i don’t, i do not know if i will be able to. every now and then i would need some push from somewhere to rediscover myself and my surroundings.
although i must say i am very much comfortable with my work, with home… but something is essentially missing. meet a dozen people each day, but when i’m free, there’s not even a single phone call from any corner of people that i know, perhaps just for a lunch or catching up on the last meeting or anything….
the question then remains…. how does it feel????